I love Jeremy Clarkson. In a platonic, slap across the head, testosterone way. Just in case you were wondering.

Clarkson is the pleb’s presenter. The man who brings bar-room  banter to that austere monolith, the bib. He can humiliate a gallic monstrosity with just one sentence and lift a Korean creation to (almost) greatness – all in one beer-swillingly brilliant phrase. He’s gifted. We all know that.

But those two hangers-on of his. I forget their names. Hamster and someone. Clarkson’s woozy sidekicks. They should be behind the cameras, sweeping the studio. Eish. Maybe their dull humour works in the UK – but here in South Africa, we need more than awkward moments, forced humour and scripted audience responses. We dislike bad hair and lame lines.

Eish Clarkson, bring back Tiff and his crew, please broer!!

15th March 2009

Johannesburg was a dirty old girl. She’d let herself go. Badly.

The gold slut had seen my type come and go and didn’t care if we caught her compromised. Her shuttered gaze indifferent to the lense; her pose awkward to my foreign eye.

“F-ck-off”, she seemed to mumble. “Voetsak back to Sandton, Laarnie”. Her morning breath slipped between the riotous weeds, rank and uncaring.

I had visited Jozi often. Just to marvel. As a foreigner. I’d grab my mountainbike or the dr. Entering her from the dark eastern side where victorian buildings huddled together, their ruddy features flushing as I sped past.

Today Jozi seemed different.

When I winked, she didn’t look away, returning instead without rancour to her business. She now seemed to carry her blemishes with a noisy dignity;  the stitched red earth more vital; the life returning to her grey arteries

10 March 2009

I was listening to a local radio station this morning when the topic of the Zimbabwean refugee situation came under discussion. The radio talk show host interviewed Bishop Paul Verryn of the Central Methodist Church in Johannesburg, South Africa. This comes as hundreds more Zimbabweans arrive at the church seeking refuge from the difficulties still afflicting our northern neighbour.

There are various reports about the number of Zimbabweans currently living at the church. These vary from around two thousand to as many as three thousand. The church is in fact a high rise building located adjacent to the newly renamed Southern Gauteng High Court and the Smal Street Mall shopping arcade.

Needless to say the area is looking more than a little grubby because of the pressure of masses of people camped outside the church. 

Bishop Verryn was asked by the radio show host about the concern expressed by provincial government regarding the sudden arrival of hundreds of new refugees at the church.  This follows complaints from business and others in the vicinity of the church. What struck me was not the meat of his answer but his tone. 

Bishop Verryn’s answer was that the church and Johannesburg authorities were moving rapidly to address the problem. His gentle words were filled with sympathy for the plight of the masses of people who’ve endured unspeakable suffering in their bid to escape the troubles in Zimbabwe.

Verryn revealed that he tries to speak to every new arrival at the church. One instance he cited was that of a woman who was crossing the  crocodile-infested Limpopo River. She was apparently attacked by a man who tossed her child into the river and accosted her. I do not know if she was raped. 

But it was the earnest, forceful humanity of this man of the cloth that struck me. His commitment to easing the plight of the suffering is beyond doubt. I am not a religious person. In fact I am anti-religious. But Bishop Verryn’s religion-based humanism touched me so fundamentally that I paused to reflect on my hardened attitude to both foreigners living in my country and to religion itself.

It’s time for people like myself, who are not religious, but who care about people, to take a stand and DO SOMETHING. So I’ll visit the church again tomorrow and find out what a cynical atheist can do to assist them in helping these poor, desperate people.

23rd October 2008

Former Chairman of the Federal Reserve, Alan Greenspan, has admitted maybe there should have been more oversight in the dealing of derivatives, aka casino capitalism. Doh! Well spotted Mr 250 IQ!

Any layman blue collar worker worth his spanners and sweat could have told you derivatives were looney tunes.

Your acknowledgement is not enough sir. I’d advise Bernanke and co to attach Greenspan’s assets as part compensation for maybe five pensioners left in the lurch by his blase’ free marketism.

Some expats have linked to my site and used a pic I took of Westdene Dam.

I am flattered that you chose to use my pic! Thanks for the kind words – I would like to investigate photography further. But I would advise some perspective regarding the current and past situation here at home.

Remember South Africa is still a young, diverse democracy. Things are not going well in some respects. But the institutions of democracy (free media, judiciary, parliamant) remain largely intact (if under attack). I am also hopeful the new ANC leadership will take a much tougher line on Zimbabwe, crime and poverty. I suspect things will change for the better in the coming years.

I must admit I’ve considered emigration – but the opportunities here, the beauty of the country and its people, as well as the likelihood that democracy will strengthen further keep me here. Don’t forget South Africa lies at the tip of an underdeveloped and largely democratising continent, brimming with resources and potential wealth.

South Africans have huge opportunities in develping Africa. The same cannot be said of first world nations where opportunity is far more limited and wealth tied up in the system.

Positive local developments include the process of forming a new opposition party, the strength of the economy and banking infrastructure, the fierce independence of most media and the growth of a more independently minded black middle class.

I understand the anger some expats have – especially those who’ve suffered violent crime. But I’d appeal for reason and balance.

12th July 2008

South Africa, News24 reports, voted at the UN on Friday night against draft sanctions on Mugabe and his buds. Jeezuz.

South Africa’s foreign policy is getting strangerer and strangerer, it seems. We voted, with icons of liberty Libya and Vietnam, against the resolution. Surprise, surprise the other paragons of accountability, Russia and China vetoed the sanctions. 

Nkosazana had better make sure she pulls a big pink bunny out of the hat at the MDC/ZANU talks in Pretoria.